Another year has come to an end. Time to look back and reflect on the highs and the lows. Time to see what goals I set for myself and what I accomplished. Time to see just how much things can change over the course of a year.

I was quite ambitious with my goal setting last year. Which means there were plenty of goals I didn’t even really work on. They were all good ideas, just a bit too much. I will give a general recap of the year but not comment on each individual goal (I copied the goals below).

In general I was at a rough spot last January. I needed to make a lot of changes…which is why I had so many goals. I’m glad that now I’m at the point where I can just focus on a few things. In a way I can move on. I’ve gone through a lot of changes and a lot of healing in the past year. I’m figuring out a diet that works for me. My weight is back to the normal range (at least 10lbs. difference). I’ve brought a lot of my vitamin and mineral levels back up. I have a lot more energy. I’m not nursing round the clock/feeling drained from that. In general my day-to-day anxiety levels are way down. My OCD has lessened.

I try to spend daily time in prayer and in the Word. I try to start each day letting go of any anxiety and reminding myself that God is in control. He loves me. He takes care of me. Worrying only makes things worse.

I am able to shift some of my focus from my own health to that of my children. Which is something I’ve desired to do for so long but was not able to. Yes, I take care of my children well. But I had to put me first. Now I can put others first. I want to give Rebecca as much of my love, support and energy as I can to help her succeed. We do have our daily struggles. But I can better keep things in perspective and try to see things from her point of view. And do what I can to help instead of hinder. She has come a long way and matured so much in the past year. It’s funny to see something like potty training on last year’s list. That seems like so long ago. Now we’re thinking about that for Abram instead of Rebecca 😛  One thing we started last year that I really enjoyed and want to continue is monthly Mommy/daughter dates. We both love them. Meal times are still one of our biggest struggles. But now we are working with a speech pathologist to help Rebecca chew/swallow better. It’s too bad we didn’t realize earlier that there was a true physical problem she was dealing with. We’ll start with working on that. Then maybe we can figure out how to get her to stay in her seat and take bites 😛

I pretty much ditched GAPS over the last year. I do think it’s a great, healing diet for some. But it didn’t work for me. There is value in a lot of the diet guidelines. And it helped me not rely so much on grains. I was able to find new ways to cook traditional foods. And I figured out how to make our food more nutrient dense. It got me out of a rut and made me more creative in the kitchen.

I learned to relax more about my diet thanks to Matt Stone (180 Degree Health). I stopped trying to find the perfect diet that someone else came up with. I focused on what works for me. I highly recommend Diet Recovery and Eat for Heat to everyone! No matter what the status of your health or diet is.

And then there is the ongoing battle with miralax 😛  Unfortunately I still haven’t won it. I got my dose quite low…then was off it for about 3 weeks. Then my surgeon put me back on after some problems arose. Someday I will be done with this junk. Hopefully after more healing. But for now I don’t stress about it.

I can’t forget that I’ve had a full year of fun in the kitchen!! I’ve tried tons of new recipes and have come up with many of my own. I’ve gone from having one helper to two.

I have also become a freelance writer…something I never dreamed of. But I LOVE it!

It’s been a year of learning and maturing. A year of change. A year of letting go and acceptance. God has opened doors that I didn’t even know existed. I praise God for guiding me through another year and showing me his love, mercy, grace and peace each day. I have a long journey still ahead, but I am on the road to healing and accepting myself.

Thanks for coming along with me on this crazy ride of 2012. May you be filled with God’s love and peace in the coming year.
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2012
GENERAL GOALS*Take more time to listen to God – spend more time in the Word and in prayer.
*Teach Rebecca to be confident in who she is – let her make mistakes, let her be more independent.
*Be more encouraging – take time every day to encourage at least one person.
*Be more patient, especially with my husband and children – think before I speak and know when to step away from a situation to refocus and calm down.
*Give up control – GOD IS IN CONTROL
*Be more creative/use my God-given gifts – work on cakes and sewing. Long term – make a go of my business – but not until my kids are older/in school. I spend most of my time getting things done, keeping up with things. I want to take a little more time for things I enjoy.
*Be a better wife and mother.
*Live life to the fullest – make more friends/let people into my life – not let ocd control me. Have more playdates and social events.
*Organize the house/declutter/simplify
*hair cut
*work on relationships – make more effort to talk to my sister more often
*work on my marriage – Justin and I would like to spend more time in prayer and devotions together.
*have a fun summer vacation…without stress/anxiety/ocd. Possibly go camping.
*run a race – I’m not sure about this yet. Every year I think it would be “fun” to do the 5/3 River Bank Run (a 25K race). The last couple years it was not even an option with fertility treatments and pregnancy. But I’m considering training for it this year. It is on May 12. So I need to decide soon. I have to start training if I want to do it since I can only run about a mile these days 😛 I used to run daily, but have not for about 2 years now. I bike and walk, but don’t run. We’ll see.
*continue doing our monthly PERKS activities.

REBECCA

*potty training – night time
*continue with Kindermusik. Do swimming lessons, soccer?, figure out preschool
*Try a daily task chart again.
*Continue with homeschool preschool until the summer.
*Let Rebecca make choices daily. Give her options about the things she eats, wears, etc. so she learns to make decisions. These have to be decisions that she really needs to think about/process, not yes/no choices. If it is a yes/no choice she either won’t answer or will automatically say no.
*first hair cut
*once a month have a Mommy/daughter date where Rebecca and I do something just the two of us.
*Change strategies for eating/meal times. I need to offer her the food and let her be in control beyond that. Rebecca really needs to learn to eat well. If she has to go hungry a few times to make that happen then so be it I guess.

ABRAM

*Work on developmental milestones – standing, walking, talking.
*Continue baby wearing and on-demand feeding.
*Solids.
*Start him on cod liver oil.

BLOG

*more reflective posts
*be more open about my OCD
*view it as a resource for others, not just an outlet for myself
*make money – really make a go of this.
*update the look

FINANCES

*budget – keep tracking spending
*be on the same page with Justin/take more interest in our finances – we have agreed to sit down once a month to review the finances. This will really help me stay on budget, especially with food spending. Plus it will give me a much better understanding of our finances and give me more peace about it.

DIET/HEALTH

I have been eating grain free and doing GAPS since April 2011. I think it has been very helpful for me. I would recommend it to anyone struggling with health issues – both physical and mental. But after 9 months of GAPS and more research I’m considering going down a new path in terms of food/health now. It will not be a radical change. I will still follow a lot of the GAPS principles, like still eating broth/stock regularly. And focusing on nutrient dense, healing foods, including probiotics and ferments. I do still have some gut healing to do. However, over the last 9 months I’ve learned to really listen to my body and what works for me. Some of it coincides with GAPS, some of it doesn’t. I also think that I need to focus on dealing with my OCD more directly now that I’ve started addressing the gut issues. I have learned that some of my gut issues are truly physical…issues I’ve had for as long as I can remember (some of my childhood anxieties make more sense now). And I have to accept them. So now I continue doing what works for my gut and shift my focus to dealing with the OCD. I will go into more detail in a separate post discussing food/diet, mental health, myself and Rebecca. But I still want to list my goals here. Some of them are general food/nutrition/cooking goals. Some are much more specific.

*cookbooks – I very rarely actually use any of my cookbooks. I’d like to get back into the habit of using them and trying new recipes. I especially want to try more recipes from Nourishing Traditions…and maybe re-read it. Such a great resource.
*water – find a water filter that removes fluoride?
*nourishment – make sure I am properly nourishing my body for healing and breastfeeding. We just got a new scale. And I now see that my weight has gotten quite low. My BMI is below 18…which means I’m underweight. I need to be sure I’m eating well for myself and for Abram.
*continue with full GAPS at the moment – changes will probably start in February.
*introduce properly prepared grains – I want to experiment with grains. See Cheeseslave’s post about this. I will start very slowly and see how my body responds. I think I could use some more carbohydrates in my diet, and this will help. This is related to both digestion and mental health.
*introduce more dairy – I seem to be doing quite well with dairy lately. I will gradually add new items throughout the year. My hope is that at some point I can drink raw milk regularly.
*cut out sugar – This is a big one for me. I really struggle with sweets. I think this will be more of my new focus instead of always worrying about grains so much. I need to focus on cutting out sweets. That is what really messes with my gut and my whole body. This will include experimenting with being totally sweet free – even honey and possibly fruit (not permanently, just to see how my body responds when all sugars are removed). I need to starve the bad bacteria and get rid of them!
*magnesium – I have already started taking magnesium supplements. I want to experiment with different forms and doses and see what works best for me.
*vitamin B – possibly start taking extra Vitamin B.
*focus on battling the OCD.
*remove miralax – I have gotten down to 1/3 dose or less daily. I’m hoping by the end of this year to be done with it completely.
*experiment with my Vitamix.
*start juicing.
*eat more raw food.

Experiments with foods/supplements and quantities to see how various things are impacting my gut (starting in January after I get my system back on track):
week 1 – reduce sugar/sweets
week 2 – lemon water
week 3 – magnesium
week 4 – stomach acid (I have been taking Betaine HCI w/ Pepsin once a day again lately…I want to see how that is really impacting me)
week 5 – lower miralax
week 6 – introduce sprouted or soaked grains
week 7 – introduce sourdough
week 8 – no honey
week 9 – no fruit