For the last few days I’ve been singing “Jesus Loves Me” to Rebecca a lot. She loves it 🙂 Always puts a smile on her face. I usually do it during a diaper change. I did it today before her nap, as usual. And had it running through my head…as usual 🙂 Then I sat down to finish my lunch and to read. I read some scripture. Then I opened “Confessions of an Irritable Mother”…and the title of the chapter was “For the Bible Tells Me So.” And it started out talking about the song “Jesus Loves Me.” God has his own ways of speaking to us…and over the last few days, and even weeks, He’s been reminding me over and over how much He loves me. I’ve had a couple sessions with a new psychologist lately and she helped me realize I need to accept myself, and love myself. I’m not perfect. And then our MOPS speaker last week (the author of the book I’m reading) drove it home again. And reading this book God is really speaking to me. He loves me no matter what. I can’t do anything to make Him love me more or less. And I don’t have to earn it. I don’t have to be perfect! It’s so simple and yet so profound. It’s amazing how God uses just the right people and just the right timing to teach us things. He is working to transform me and refine me. And He is using all of my struggles (those I’ve mentioned in my previous post and those I have yet to post about) to do so. God is teaching me all about love…for myself and others. Just this afternoon I could already sense a change. Some days Rebecca goes down for her afternoon nap well, others not so well. And in the past my initial reaction when she starts fussing/crying when she should be sleeping is frustration. I know she’s tired, I know she needs to sleep…so why doesn’t she? It’s not necessarily a good reaction, but it’s just my instinct. I’m logical, so that is logical to me…if she’s tired she should sleep. But today it was different. She squirmed for a bit and then started crying. Instead of feeling frustrated and thinking, it’s one of those days, I immediately felt sorry for her. I thought, you poor thing, you’re so tired, you’re teething. It must feel awful to not be able to get to sleep. And instead of moving her to her swing (the gauranteed napper 🙂 and putting her in as quickly as possible and getting back to what I was doing, I was able to comfort her, be calm, and even get her to smile and cheer up before putting her in the swing. And once she was strapped in she was out in minutes. And I felt better too. God doesn’t get frustrated with me when I do things He doesn’t like. He loves me anyway and is calm and gentle with me. I need to do the same for others, especially my daughter. Jesus loves me this I know! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me in this refining process!
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