I’ve got a post floating around in my head. It started while I was in church this morning. So I want to write it right away before I forget. So I’m doing it. And I’m going to do it as quickly as possible…because I’ve got things to do. So here goes. No re-reading. No thinking. I’m just going to do it.
Both in Bible study and in some other devotions recently the topic of being a “doer of the word” came up. And it struck a cord with me.
I am usually a task oriented person. I love to make lists, stay organized, get things done, do things in advance. When I was in school I never put off homework. I did it as soon as possible. I like to stay on top of things.
But lately I have a to-do list that keeps growing and growing. I add to the list. But don’t take much off. I get anxious thinking about the things I need to do, that I’m constantly thinking about. But then when I have a few minutes I don’t do anything. I look at Facebook. I watch tv. I browse blogs. Anything that doesn’t require me to think or do. Any activity that I can do while being “off.”
With my decline in health in the last couple years I have become less and less of me. I try to keep my head above water and do the absolute necessities. But I just haven’t had the energy or focus to keep up at my normal pace. And I don’t like it.
I get overwhelmed easily. I’m mentally and physically drained by the end of the day. I feel like I just can’t do it.
Over the last couple months Justin will often remind of things on the to-do list…and remind me again…and again. I tell him I’ll get to it when I can. And I get annoyed. But I bet he is even more annoyed. Not at me. But by the lack of me…the lack of the me he knows.
He and I are a lot alike. That’s a big part of why we fell in love 🙂 We both like to take action and stay on top of things. So when I can’t seem to keep up, he notices.
I’ve also noticed in the last couple years that when I go to church I do just that…just go. I have a hard time focusing on the message. I don’t retain any information. And I certainly don’t act on it. I just go through the motions…sing, listen, then go about my usual life. Then I go to Bible study and do the same. I sit there and listen to everyone discuss and answer questions. And my mind seems blank. Like I can’t form any kind of response or participate in the discussion.
But as I rest and heal that is all slowly changing. I feel myself returning. The real me. The person that wants to participate. The person that has energy to do things. The person that sees a to-do list and says let’s get things done.
A week ago we had our Friday night Bible study. And I finally felt like I could participate. I had something to contribute. I could think clearly. And after the study part I could socialize and be fully present instead of thinking about health issues or anything else. And wouldn’t you know it we talked a lot about taking action that night. I’m thankful I could listen and that God was speaking to me.
Someone talked about taking action as soon as the spirit lays something on your heart. Which is why I decided to write this post right now instead of waiting and thinking and debating. I’m just doing it.
Then in church this morning the pastor also talked about seeking God and following him. One of the songs mentioned using our intellect for God’s purpose.
That is the other area that I’ve struggled with for a long time. I’m smart 🙂 I was always in the top of my class. I have a degree in computer and electrical engineering. I designed missile release systems for military planes for 6 years. God has given me intelligence. But what am I doing with it? Not much lately. I don’t pay attention to the news or what is going on in the world. I don’t take time to learn new things or challenge myself.
I just let life fly by. I do what I have to. But I’m not fully engaged. And I want that to change. I want to do. I want to participate in life. I want to challenge myself and my spouse and kids to be better people and doers of God’s Word.
This won’t happen over night. But I am thankful that slowly but surely I am able to heal my mind and body and come out of the fog I’ve been in for so long. I can actively take steps to serve God and be in his Word and in prayer daily.
Just today I decided to start having a family character of the week. I’ll put it on the fridge, and the whole family can participate. Rebecca chose for us to work on self control this week. It’s definitely something we can all work on right now.
I am also trying to become more involved in church and push myself to make friends. I’m very introverted by nature. But I’m trying to step outside my comfort zone, say yes to activities I might have shied away from before and be more social.
So there it is. The thoughts in my head that I took the time to write out instead of just thinking about them all day. I’m sure there are more. But I’m not thinking about it. I’m just doing.
I did it. I will do it. Praise God that I am healing and He can more fully use me.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got things to get done!