When it comes to “diets” I’ve practically tried it all – low fat, high fat, low carb, high carb, low protein, high protein, low fiber, high fiber, grain free, gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nut free, soy free, red meat free, IBS diet, GAPS,…you get the picture. I’m by no means an expert, but I do have plenty of experience. And my experience leads me to one conclusion…there is no one-size-fits-all diet. There is no perfect way to eat (i.e. GAPS does not work/is not necessary for everyone, paleo is lacking for some people, low carb can really deteriorate some people’s health, etc.). Not everyone needs to avoid gluten/grains. Not everyone needs to avoid dairy. Every body is different and has different needs. Even individuals have different needs at different times. I do believe there are some basic principles that pretty much everyone should follow:

Eat REAL/whole food
Avoid processed/packaged foods (most of the time)
Eat plenty of healthy fat (butter, coconut oil, evoo, lard, tallow, etc.)
Avoid vegetable oils and high omega-6 foods (canola oil, sunflower oil, soybean oil, etc.)
Eat a balance of carb/protein/fat that works for your body (I do better with higher carb, but others do better with higher protein)
Eat animal protein sources (it doesn’t have to be a lot, but animal proteins have a lot of stuff the body really needs, even if it’s just eggs or dairy or seafood)

Aside from that you have to work with your own body and your own lifestyle. So after years and years of trial and error based on a diet that someone else said “should” work, I’ve decided to follow the Mary diet. It’s what works for me. I don’t have it totally figured out. And it will always be changing for the different seasons of my life. So this is not a diet that anyone else should follow. But I decided to give a rough idea of what works and doesn’t work for me. I know I always enjoy reading what others have figured out that works for them. So this is the Mary diet…for now.

I also want to add an update on an experiment I did. I struggled with eating disorders for years. Now I still have a very skewed mentality about food…which is a big part of my problem. For years people acted like I hardly ate anything. My mom was always trying to get me to eat, and her nervousness about it made me nervous. So to this day I always feel like I don’t eat “enough” or as much as everyone else. And I feel like I can’t waste food and that if I miss a meal or snack something horrible will happen. I have a combination of a fear of undereating (that came from others) and a fear of overeating (that came from myself/my fear of getting fat). But none of that is really true. I decided to log my calories (using a free online tool) for a few days, just to see how much I actually do eat. I was quite surprised to find that on average I eat about 2200 – 2800 calories a day! I’d say that’s plenty. The other thing I learned is that I eat a LOT of fat. Many days my fat intake is 60% of my daily calories (see that picture of me…Fat does not make you fat!!! As long as you’re eating the healthy kind – saturated and monounsaturated. When I ate very low fat years ago…that’s when I had the most weight gain. And when I ate lots of processed foods…that were typically low fat). I think I need to try to lower that a bit and increase my carb intake…even them out a little. Fat is very healthy, but I need a few more carbs I think for my body to be in balance. My protein intake is 10-20%…I think that’s about right for me. I think this is a great thing for anyone to do just to assess what your daily intake really is and see if you need adjustments.

I’m working on trying to calm my gut and reduce inflammation. It’s hard to get a good balance. If I eat very much insoluble fiber it causes gas and inflammation. If I eat very much starch it acts like glue in my intestines. If I eat much PUFA it causes major inflammation.

There are many symptoms I experience that tell me something isn’t right. I’m finally realizing that all of the small annoyances I have once in a while aren’t coincidental/random. They are caused by the food I eat and how my body handles them. Allergies, intolerances and inflammation can do major damage.

Here is a list of some of my symptoms that tell me my body is having a reaction of some kind (die off, allergy, intoleranc, inflammation, adrenal fatigue, etc.) – headache, eye pain, bloodshot eyes, itchy eyes, small cysts/bumps on edge of eyelid (makes it feel like there is something in my eye), mouth sores, cystic acne on my face, acne on my head, neck and back, sore throat, stuffy nose, leg swelling, bloated belly (that I can’t suck in…feels like a rock), weight gain, fatigue, oily skin, dull skin and hair, feeling cold/chilled, joint pain, dry/cracked skin/small cuts, constipation, stomach pain, trapped gas, intestinal spasms, rash/skin irritation, build up on my teeth, coated tongue/thrush/yeast,  frequent urination, anxiety and moodiness.

So, on to the diet. I’m still figuring things out. Sometimes it’s a painful process. But I hope I’m getting there. It’s just a list of some of the foods we eat regularly, not an extensive list of all foods. Below the menu I’ve included a timeline of my diet progression over the years. I also wanted to mention that other factors such as sleep, exercise and stress reduction can play a big role in your health.

Have you had experience with all sorts of diets? Have you found anything that works for you?

Must Avoid:

brown rice
corn
potatoes
bananas
carrots
apples
peanuts
almonds
oats
peppers
onions
tomatoes
spinach/most leafy greens (do ok with small amounts of kale and beet greens)
starch/gums – corn starch, potato starch, guar gum, tara gum, arrowroot, carageenan, polysorbate, etc. (ice cream, processed foods, powdered sugar, frosting)
artificial sweeteners
black beans
strawberries
rye
egg whites
barley

My go-to foods:

chicken broth
egg yolks (especially raw) – wondering about this one (1/13)
dairy (all kinds…especially high fat)
seafood
squash
pumpkin
zucchini
avocado
sweet peas
snap peas
coconut oil
EVOO
ground beef
chicken
turkey
romaine and iceburg lettuce
broccoli
brussels sprouts
cauliflower
blueberries
raspberries
peaches
pears
cherries
beans (green/yellow)
honey
maple syrup
beets
white rice
whole wheat (soaked or sprouted)
cocoa

Here is a recap of my progression and what went wrong:
high school – fat free/low fat ice cream in large quantities, extremely low fat diet, no nutrients
college – lived on granola (oats), cereal (processed), ice cream, low fat, carrots, apples, diet pop, high sugar/processed, lots of beans, lots of snacky foods, high sugar/starch, low nutrient, lots of salads – vegetable oils/fat free dressing, peanut butter (basically in college I lived on all the foods that I now can’t eat at all – created intolerances or allergies)
2002 – 2005 – low fat, processed food, ice cream, cereal/granola, citrucel, zelnorm, anti-depressants, birth control
2005 – 2006 – IBS diet – low fat, no red meat, no dairy, no egg yolks, soy/rice milk/products, oats, cereal, graham crackers, grape juice
2006 – 2007 – colon surgery and recovery, stick to IBS diet, fertility treatments, pregnancy, thyroid meds, miralax (so many chemicals/synthetic hormones)
2008 – expand diet – finally start learning about REAL food, pregnancy, breastfeeding
2009 – breastfeeding, oats/cereal, ice cream, juice, fertility treatments
2010 – fertility treatments, tried gluten free, pregnant
2011 – grain free, GAPS, pregnant, breastfeeding, low carb/high protein
2012 – stopped GAPS, RARRF, figure out what works for me, start mineral supplements (calcium, magnesium, blends), start rotating foods more, breastfeeding
2013 – Eat for Heat – finally getting my metabolism, mineral levels and body temp up, have more energy, waiting on allergy, adrenal, mineral and thyroid test results, working on weaning so my body can fully recover, trying to get more sleep to help heal adrenals

Some of the biggest culprits/stumbling blocks/temptations for me over the years have been oats/granola, cereal (processed food), carrots, peanut butter, ice cream (boughten), packaged food (fillers/chemicals), low fat foods, artificial sweeteners, low carb; lack of sleep; synthetic hormones; anxiety. I’m still struggling with the lack of sleep and anxiety.

Here are a few good books/sites that have helped me along the way:

The Mood Cure (for some)
GAPS (for some)
Nourishing Traditions
Fiber Menace (for some)
Diet Recovery / 180 Degree Health
Eat for Heat
Real Food / Real Food for Mother and Baby

This post is linked to Fat Tuesday, Real Food Wednesday, Fresh Bites Friday and Fight Back Friday.

I’ve been wanting to write this post for some time now. But I keep coming across new information. And I’m still reading and researching. (Not to mention I don’t have much time to write a long post these days with a little guy that can’t seem to sleep past 6am.)  But I wanted to give an update of what I’ve learned so far…before I forget it or read too much! This is an update on my current status. I’m sure it will continue to evolve and change as I learn, but for now this is where I’m at. Since this has the potential to be another very long post I think I’ll save some of the detailed information for separate posts.

Last year I started GAPS. And it was great. I really think I experienced a lot of healing on my leaky gut. But after 6 or 7 months I started to feel worse. I struggled for a couple months wondering what was going on. I had been doing so well, the OCD was improving, digestion was better, etc. Then it went the opposite direction. What happened? I started getting more obsessive as I tried to do things “perfectly” to no avail. My tummy got worse. I got moodier and more anxious. The holidays were rough being so over anxious and not feeling well. This isn’t supposed to happen…that’s what I thought. But after a month of research and changing my diet a bit I’ve learned a lot. It is actually VERY common for that to happen. Why? I was eating way too low carb. And possibly too much protein and fat for my body to handle. I let my body get run down by not eating enough carbohydrates. I let my brain chemicals get too low…which led to the increase in OCD, anxiety and bad moods…which leads to stomach knots. I’m over tired, over stressed and just plain worn out. My hormones are out of balance – adrenals, thyroid, progesterone, estrogen, testosterone, etc. My brain chemicals are out of balance. It’s one big mess 😛  I have been doing a lot of reading lately. And most of what I read comes to the same conclusions about what is going on and what basic direction I need to head.

So I kind of know the problem (in general…my specific hormone/chemical needs are things I’ll have to figure out). That in itself is a stress reliever and helps me relax. But now that I’ve identified some issues, what can I do about them?

First – relax!! This is the biggest thing for me. If what I eat causes anxiety it doesn’t make much difference if it’s nourishing or junk food. It will still cause me harm. If the whole time I’m eating I’m worried a particular food will make me sick…then it will. There is no magic pill or diet that works for everyone. There is no one RIGHT way to eat/live (i.e. GAPS, paleo, primal, WAPF, gluten free, dairy free, vegetarian, etc.). There is no one-size-fits-all. I have to figure out what works for me no matter what any book, website, blog, doctor, etc. says. Although GAPS was a great tool for healing my gut it was too rigid. I got so worried about what I could and couldn’t eat and about eating the “wrong” thing. I’d obsess over every meal/food when I didn’t feel well. Was it this? Was it that? Why can’t I eat that…it’s “supposed” to be safe. I’ve learned that I have to experiment and figure out what works for me. Over the last few weeks I’ve really relaxed my diet. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed eating bread, potatoes, rice, quinoa, yogurt, kefir, milk, ice cream. I still don’t know how they will impact me or how I’ll really tolerate them in the long run. But for now I’m just not worrying about it and enjoying food. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still eating real, nourishing food. But I’m not so strict about things in general. Some days I get more veggies than others. Some days I eat more eggs, some days less. Some days I eat more fat, some days less, etc. If I’m craving a lot of fruit one day I’ll eat it. I’ve even had 3 ice cream cones in the past week (of homemade ice cream :). Ice cream cones are my absolute favorite food ever. And I haven’t had one since before Abram was born!! It was so nice to relax and enjoy my favorite food again. I didn’t have to go overboard like I used to (I used to make massive cones…that’s a whole different eating issue/mentality I used to have). Just a small cone that I could enjoy without stuffing myself. I need to relax and enjoy eating. I can already tell that this has made a difference in my stress level and overall mood. I’ve gained about 5 lbs. since Christmas since I’m relaxing and enjoying so much food 🙂  I’m learning I will never get rid of my digestive issues if I continue to worry about food and restrict my eating. I need to eat enough and not worry about it.

There is another type of relaxing that is a bit tougher…a generally relaxed life. With a strong willed 3 1/2 year old and a very busy toddling, early rising baby there is never a dull moment around here. I don’t have much time to myself/time that I can truly decompress and fully relax. My mind never gets to “turn off.” Especially since nobody but Justin can watch Abram at this point. He has such stranger anxiety that even his own grandmothers can’t hold him. So he is ALWAYS with me…when I’m home, when I’m at MOPS, when I’m at church, when I run errands, etc. I love him. But sometimes I just need a little break. So that is something I need to work on. But at the same time it may not change much while I have small children. One thing I would like to look into to help is yoga. I would like to do yoga a few mornings a week instead of biking.

Another big component that I read about over and over is getting enough sleep. This is another big one for me. Due to my OCD and trying to get a few free min. in my day I get up at 4 am every morning. I use this time to do work in the kitchen, exercise, read, shower, get ready for the day before the kids are up, etc. Even getting up at 4 doesn’t always give me much time with a baby that gets up so early. In addition to getting up early I’m usually up a couple times in the night feeding Abram. That is just the life of a breastfeeding mom. But it all leads to major sleep deprivation. Which leads to major hormonal imbalances and always being stressed out and worn out. I consider it a good night if I get 3 consecutive hours of sleep once. Pretty sad. I need to put more effort into getting more sleep. I’m not sure at this point how to go about doing this. I can’t control Abram’s sleeping. But I would like to adjust my mornings so that I can sleep in a little sometimes. And go to bed earlier sometimes. One night this week I went to bed at 9 instead of 10:30. That sure was nice!

Relaxing and sleeping are two key components. Now I get down to the rest of the details. I have read several books and several diet theories lately. There is a lot of overlap in the information I have read. So I do have some direction. But I also have to figure out what works for me. One of the main components of health (especially mine) is the health of your brain. Many conditions that are said to be “psychological” are actually physical…they are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain…and they can be fixed! There is so much information on this topic. I am going to speak in very general terms/only skim the surface of what I’ve read. I highly recommend reading on this subject to everyone! I read “Change Your Brain Change Your Life,” “The Mood Cure” and “The Edge Effect.” All three books talk about the four main chemicals/amino acids that control your mood – dopamine, acetylcholine, GABA and serotonin. Everybody is dominant in one of these and it is what determines their nature/personality. Any or all of them can be out of balance…which causes psychological disorders and physical ailments. I believe that I am out of balance/low in both GABA and serotonin…which greatly contributes to the OCD, anxiety, constipation, inability to relax, overactive parasympathetic nervous system, hypothyroidism and infertility. GABA and serotonin both help the brain/body to relax.

What can I do about it? Well, that’s a bit tricky. All three books agree on some aspects, but greatly disagree on others. I tend to put the most trust in the information in “The Mood Cure.” Although the other authors have years of experience and lots of great info, I can’t fully support someone that tells you to stop eating saturated fat and instead eat polyunsaturated fats. One book even says that aspartame is good for increasing dopamine levels. Artificial sweeteners? No thanks! They all talk about medications, supplements, diet and lifestyle. As always my first line of defense is diet. I am gathering ideas/info from these books along with the theories of metabolic typing and blood type diets. I see where they all overlap, experiment and decide if it works for me or not. But here are some of the key components that I feel will help me.

DIET

1. Carbohydrates – I need to find the right balance of protein, fat and carbohydrates. I was eating way too low carb for a while. I need to increase my carbohydrate intake. I am still trying to figure out how much of that should be fruits and vegetables and how much (if any) should be grains and starches. I will have to experiment with the grains and starches. See how I do with each kind, especially those containing gluten. All of the sources I’ve looked into recommend a decent amount of carbohydrates in my diet. My blood type, metabolic type and brain chemical imbalance all require plenty of carbohydrates.

2. Protein – This is where “The Mood Cure” shines. Julia Ross emphasizes the importance of getting enough protein in your diet (all 3 books do, but she really goes into it.). Getting your brain chemistry back in balance is accomplished by getting the proper amino acids. And where do we get amino acids? Protein!!! It’s the only source. And animal protein is the only complete source. For example, serotonin is produced by tryptophan…which comes from things like poultry. Ross recommends at least 20-30g of protein three times a day (at each meal). I think I do pretty well with protein in general. Although as I’ve mentioned before I struggle with beef. Which is frustrating because it’s so healthy. I thought it was fascinating (and reassuring) to read this from Ross:

“Note: For better protein digestion, people with Type A blood seem to do best adding supplements of hydrochloric acid when eating animal protein, as they are known to be weak in this protein- (and mineral-) digesting acid.” I do have Type A blood. I guess I’m on the right track taking my stomach acid with dinner. Maybe I need to order more and start using it at each meal again for a while.

Ross also talks about the importance of eating fish. “It’s so quick to prepare, so easy to digest, and contains, along with plenty of all twenty-two aminos, the unique omega-3 fat that your brain needs to correctly form the cells in your brain, your eyes, and the lining of your arteries, among other things.”

Her list of great sources of protein (in order) include” fish; poultry (especially cornish game hens due to their good balance of omega-3 and omega-6 fats); eggs; lamb, beef, pork, venison and buffalo; dairy products and shellfish.

3. Fat – This is another important factor. It is also one where I see “The Mood Cure” really shining again. Julia Ross recognizes the importance of omega-3 fats and saturated fats and decreasing omega-6 fats. This is actually one area that I don’t really need to work on. I eat quite a bit of fat. Daily I eat coconut oil, butter and EVOO. I also eat raw egg yolks daily (often 2-4 a day). I eat avocados daily (anywhere from 1/2 – 1 1/2). Plus I take a decent amount of fermented cod liver oil/butter oil. In addition to that I get fat from the protein sources I eat – meat, dairy, nuts, etc. (I do eat nuts sparingly so as to not get too many omega-6 fats).

4. Eating Enough – This is another key component for me. I am not a big person. And I hate feeling too full. So I tend to undereat I think. To my body that is a sign of starvation…which leads to anxiety, imbalances, etc. So I am trying to push myself a little to eat more. Like I said earlier I have gained 5 lbs. recently. So I think it’s working. Just a few extra pounds gets me out of the underweight category and improves my mood. Undereating also can be a cause for constipation. If you don’t eat enough your body will hold on to what it has and try to suck out every last nutrient it can.

5. Variety –  I tend to find something that “works” and then eat it day after day. But then it stops working as my body adjusts and starts digesting it differently. So I need to keep changing things. Even if I eat the same foods regularly I need to rotate them, take breaks and then bring them back, etc.

6. What to Avoid – sugar, caffeine, simple carbohydrates (white flour, etc.), artificial sweeteners, colorings, artificial ingredients, additives, soy.
SUPPLEMENTS
All three books recommend basically the same supplements for the same conditions. Since all of the books are written by experienced psychologists and say the same thing I believe there is a lot of validity to it. I hope to do separate posts on the specific brain chemicals and the corresponding moods and disorders. For now I’ll just mention the supplements that could help. I also want to mention that as badly as I want to try these I’m not yet. I just don’t know if they are safe while breastfeeding. I will start with diet and relaxation techniques. And if I really think I need to start the major supplements I’ll probably see my psychologist to get her thoughts.

1. Serotonin – This important chemical comes from the amino acid tryptophan. The most commonly recommended supplement to increase it is 5-HTP. Tryptophan converts into 5-HTP…and 5-HTP converts directly into serotonin. If 5-HTP doesn’t work there is l-tryptophan, St.-John’s-wort, and SAM-e. I want to include a short portion of what Julie Ross says about your gut and serotonin:

“If you’ve lived wtih your stomach in knots because of low serotonin worry or anxiety, it might help you to know that 90 percent of the serotonin in your body is not in your brain; it’s in your gut. When you raise your serotonin levels, your digestive tension (including constipation) can often dissolve along with your mental constriction.” Sounds a lot like the GAPS theory to me 🙂

2. GABA – This is the brain’s natural Valium. You can take GABA, taurine and glycine.

3. Magnesium

4. Vitamin B

LIFESTYLE

1. Exercise – Exercise is a natural stress reliever. It helps increase serotonin. But you also have to be sure to not overexert yourself. Otherwise you can have adrenal fatigue.

2. Sleep – ideally at least 7 hours a night. I haven’t figured out my plan yet to try to get more sleep. I’m afraid that will just have to come with time…as Abram gets older and sleeps through the night.

3. Relaxation – I need to find ways to relax. I’d like to try yoga.

That is the basic rundown of where things are at right now. I’m experimenting and seeing what works for me. I’m staying open to changes. I now know that just because something starts out great does not mean it will work forever. I need to be cautious of extremes and try to find a good balance in my life. I am currently eating grains and dairy. But both could potentially be hard on me. Again, I’m experimenting right now.

I did want to mention that it is kind of funny that in college although I was not eating healthy by my current standards, maybe I had my ratios in a better balance. I rarely ate red meat. And I ate plenty of carbs. And that was the only time in my life that I ever had regular cycles. So my hormones were a bit better balanced. Maybe I had things somewhat right…but I was eating junk food instead of real food. Now maybe I can bring it all full circle, eat the proper ratios, eat nourishing foods and get my body back on track. Only time will tell. But I already feel like my mood and anxiety has greatly improved in just the last week.

Finally I want to mention one more source of great health information that I’m just starting to dig into. It’s called 180 Degree Health. Matt Stone (the author) has a lot of controversial theories and health ideas. But a lot of it makes sense. He talks about letting your body totally rest, feed it well and getting back in balance. This is something I actually heard about a couple years ago, downloaded his info…and then forgot about it 😛  But I’m hearing about it more and more again lately. So we’ll see what comes of my research on that.

I’ve been kind of rushed getting through this post. I hope it makes sense and conveys what I wanted. I’d love to hear feedback, hear of any success stories of others that have used diet and supplements to improve both mental and physical disorders.

This post is linked to Real Food Wednesdays at Kelly the Kitchen Kop.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written any reflective posts. But I’ve been thinking lately about God’s perfect timing. I’ve talked about it in the past. And I was reminded of it again lately. Oddly enough it relates to food 🙂

Last winter we tried raw milk for the first time. It was at a farm close to home. And it was only for the winter…a perfect way to try it and see if we liked it. And perfect timing…it coincided with my 2nd trimester of pregnancy almost down to the day. The trimester when dairy is such a critical nutrient as the baby’s muscles are forming. I was able to drink tons of nourishing raw milk every day during my  second trimester. It was wonderful. Then our winter share ended. And I stopped drinking much milk since we didn’t have raw milk anymore. Then I started doing GAPS. And after Abram was born I went totally dairy free. It really seemed to help with his reflux and my gut. Although I still would have liked to give Rebecca raw milk it wasn’t critical for me anymore. I’ve mentioned a few times now that we just started a new cow share. It is so wonderful to have healthy raw milk again. Although this option was available to us for the past year we didn’t take advantage of it. We debated. It seemed like a bit of a drive. We were kind of waiting to see if we’d get a winter share again from the farm we got it last year. We were on the waiting list there and wondered if there would be any openings (no luck). So we just waited and went without raw milk for a while. Then in August we took a tour of Grassfields Farm. We got our beef and our pork there this year. And they are such nice people. We love their cheese and chicken as well. I mentioned on facebook that we had visited. And wouldn’t you know it, one of the moms from my MOPS table was thinking about getting a cow share there. And wanted to know if we were going to do the same and wanted to share the drive/pick up. We had always said we’d be more open to going there if we could share the work. And God just set it all up for us…right at the perfect time. It just so happens that as we were considering it and talking with the other mom I decided to start adding dairy back into my diet. I think it will now benefit both Abram and me. But I didn’t want to add dairy unless it was raw. So we talked about it and prayed about it. And tried the milk. And decided to go for it! In the few weeks before we got our milk I was able to introduce ghee and butter. Then just when I was ready to move to the next step was our first week of raw milk…and I could make raw sour cream to add in. Perfect. It also happens to be a great time for Rebecca to get back on raw milk. Just in the last couple weeks she is making such progress on her eating and her tastes changing. And I feel like giving her raw milk is one of the final steps we need to take for her. Also, Abram will be 6 months old next week. So he’ll be starting solids very soon. And if he is going to have any dairy I want it to be raw. Again, God worked everything out in his perfect time, in the perfect season. My healing from GAPS seems to be hitting a rough patch at the moment. The last few weeks have been up and down. I think adding cultured raw dairy is the boost I need to keep things going and continue healing. And get the nutrients I need. And maybe gain a few pounds back? 😛

God doesn’t only have perfect timing. He has perfect placement. As I mentioned I am now sharing the milk pick up with a mom from my MOPS table. She also happens to have a daughter in Rebecca’s Kindermusik class and lives close by. When MOPS started this year I was a little nervous about who would be at my table. I really enjoyed getting to know the women at my table last year. So I wasn’t sure how it would go, if I would connect with anyone, etc. Then I met Stephanie (the one we’re getting milk with). And then I found out that another mom at my table is into natural living. She already has a cow share at Grassfields, eats real food, actually knows what GAPS is, eats grain free at times, reads the blogs I read, etc. So yesterday I had the pleasure of talking to her and getting to know her a little more. Sometimes I feel like the only person around me that eats the way I do, etc. And then to end up at a MOPS table with not one but two women that share the same views I do?? That’s just crazy. And amazing. And to top it off our tables are arranged by where we live…which means that these women live very close to me. I am very excited to get to know these women better.

There are days when I feel like I’m making such good progress, feeling good, on the right track, etc. And there are days where I wonder if I’m doing anything right and maybe I’m just crazy for trying to heal my body with GAPS (like during the last few really rough days I’ve had). Then God shows me that He is in control. He is leading me down this path. He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me. He knows what I need and when I need it. We go through all different seasons in our lives. And this just happens to be the season I’m in right now. When I look at the big picture I see how far I’ve come from a few years ago. And each step along the way has been in God’s perfect time. So I will be patient and see where he wants me to go next. I am excited to be making a step in the right direction for the health of our whole family. And I am excited to have the opportunity to develop new friendships and get the support I need from other women.

God is perfect. And his plans are perfect. I will trust in that and hold on to that hope daily, through the good days and the bad days. God is using me for his good and perfect plan. And for that I am thankful.

On my journey towards healing my gut I have focused a lot on probiotics. By now most people know about probiotics. They are the good bacteria in your gut and help digestion. So I’ve been taking those for quite some time. And thought that was enough. But it wasn’t until I read GAPS that I heard about the impact of digestive enzymes and stomach acid on gut health. If you have abnormal gut flora, chances are you have low stomach acid. Which makes it hard/impossible for your body to break down/digest proteins properly. The solution? Bump up the acid! Sounds counterintiutive in our culture where everyone is popping antacids like candy. So here’s a short explanation.

Pepsin, a protein-digesting enzyme, breaks down proteins into peptides and amino acids. The acid in the stomach is what activates the pepsin. The pH in the stomach needs to be 3 or less to do this. So if the stomach acid is insufficient, the digestive process goes wrong from step 1…which only leads to more trouble as the process continues. Maldigested proteins pass through the small intestine. The intestinal wall and pancreatic enzymes then don’t get the proteins in the form they expect…and can’t do their job properly (step 2 gone bad). Food coming from the stomach should have a pH of 2 or less to stimulate the production of the hormones secretin and cholecystokinin. Secretin stimulates the liver to produce bile…to continue the digestive process. More importantly it stimulates the pancreas to produce alkalising bicarbonate solution to reduce the acid in the food (a more alkaline environment), which the small intestine needs. It is critical for pancreatic enzymes to digest protein, carbohydrates and fat. And these enzymes are only produced if cholecystokinin is first produced. It tells the pancreas to make the enzymes necessary to digest the food. Without these 2 hormones digestion does not happen.

So what does that mean…if food is not digested? Maldigestion and malabsorption. Partially digested food “leaks” through the intestinal wall. Maldigested proteins cause allergies and autoimmune reactions. Maldigested carbohydrates get converted into toxins. Nutritional deficiencies are a big problem when this happens. Vitamins, amino acids and minerals are not absorbed. Fat soluble vitamins like A, D, E, K and essential fatty acids are not absorbed since fat is not digested. And the undigested food rots in the digestive tract, becoming toxic. Doesn’t sound too good to me. But wait, that’s not all.

Stomach acid is also critical for killing microbes that you ingest from food. If stomach acid is too low the microbes can survive and colonise in the intestines and even the stomach. This can cause stomach cancer, ulcers and gastritis.

These microbes particularly feed on carbohydrates. When stomach acid is too low, microbes start fermenting carbohydrates. This produces toxins and causes excess gas. Also, some pathogens grow around the sphinchter muscle, which can paralyze it and cause reflux. Sadly antacids are usually prescribed for this. Although it does stop the immediate burn from the acid in the throat, in the long run it just perpetuates the problem.

Finally, the solution…take a supplement that bumps the stomach acid back up. This is called Betaine HCI with added pepsin. You take it with the first bite of each meal. Thankfully this is a short term problem. And can usually be fixed by taking the supplement for a couple months.

There are a couple other simple steps you can take. Chewing your food very thoroughly will kick off the digestive process and make less work for stomach. Also eating sauerkraut and drinking its juice just before a meal will help. Drinking broth with a meal will also help in digestion.

There are also other digestive enzymes you can take. But usually once stomach acid is restored to normal levels the body produces them naturally. So they aren’t usually necessary.

What does this mean for me? I’m guessing that I, like other people with messed up guts, have low stomach acid. So I just started taking the Betaine HCI supplement. I started with 1 pill a day (with dinner). This week I will bump it up to 2 meals a day, and all 3 next week. I can’t report on the impact yet, since I just started. But hopefully it will be very helpful. Especially in reducing gas…my biggest problem since starting this journey many years ago. It makes so much sense now why I had such extreme amounts of gas and bloating when I was living on bread and sugar 😛  I was told to avoid fat and eat bland/starchy food. The complete opposite of what I really needed. I need to avoid carbohydrates/sugar and get my stomach acid levels up. What a concept now to truly be digesting my food for once and not having it ferment in my gut 😛  I’m also hoping it will help Abram with his reflux and gas (by me taking it). Only time will tell. But I’m hopeful.

So if you struggle with reflux or gas…increase your stomach acid! Don’t neutralize it. Without enough stomach acid you can’t digest your food.

Forewarning…this is long 🙂  And I’m still just figuring things out/learning (I haven’t even read the whole book yet). So bear with me. But I wanted to get this out for those that have read my blog and are wondering what in the world GAPS is and why I’m on this path.

GAPS – Gut and Psychology Syndrome

I heard about GAPS quite a while ago. And it intrigued me. But it sounded pretty extreme. I put the book on my Christmas list just in case someone might buy it for me. Nobody did. Oh well. I continued to hear more and more about it. I did some research. I read numerous testimonials of healing. I started to wonder if this might be what I need. I put the book on my birthday list (at the top of my book list this time). Still didn’t get it. I did more research. I finally broke down and bought the book. And I LOVE it. It’s very eye-opening. And it makes so much sense to me.

I should have jumped on it the first time I heard the title. A brain/gut connection? Hello. I’ve know that’s my problem for years now. But this is a new way of looking at it. Instead of always being told that half of my problems are psychological and that I have to cure that to get my gut in order, I now see that it’s quite the opposite. And honestly I’ve always known that. But no doctor ever believed it. I’ve been seeing a psychologist for 5 years to treat anxiety and OCD. And I know I have seen a lot of benefits from it. But at the same time I always kept wondering…how much of this is mental and how much of it is truly a physical problem? That has always been my biggest struggle. Sure, I can force myself to not stick to my daily routine, but I know I’ll be in so much pain if I do. I’m told it’s all in my head. But I know it’s not. When my stomach is in knots day after day it’s not something that relaxing or forcing myself to try to ignore is going to take away.

GAPS has really shed some light on everything for me. The digestive problems did not come from anxiety/ocd. The anxiety/ocd came from major problems in my gut. I first have to heal that…then the mental stuff will get better. I kept trying to tell my doctor that. If I didn’t feel sick all of the time I wouldn’t worry about the OCD stuff. I don’t believe any amount of CBT or exposure therapy is going to make me better. I firmly believe that I have to get my gut healthy first. Then I will be able to fully get over the other stuff. Like I said, I’ve kind of known that all along. But when doctors tell you otherwise you believe them.

So, what is GAPS and how did it all start for me? Basically normal functioning of all parts of your body start in the gut. If your gut is unhealthy then it will eventually lead to other health problems. This is especially true for conditions like autism, ADD/ADHD, dyslexia, allergies, depression, OCD and schizophrenia. We all start out with a sterile gut. And then inherit our gut flora from our parents. Then as we get older other factors help improve it or make it worse. If it gets worse and harmful things are piled on then the body gets worse and worse…resulting in various illnesses. In order to get healthy a person needs to get his/her gut flora back in balance…back to having the good outweigh the bad. If the bad bacteria takes over it leads to gut dysbiosis/leaky gut. And the intestines can no longer process food the way they should. Partially digested food “leaks” through the gut wall and causes lots of problems/allows toxins into the body.

Obviously I can’t say what my gut was like when I was born. I’m sure I inherited some degree of damage from my parents (most people probably do). But that alone doesn’t mean I was destined to have problems. Childhood vaccinations are a potential harm. For a healthy child they aren’t a problem. But for a child that already has a compromised gut they can be harmful. Again, I can’t say that this was an issue for me, but it could be a factor. The first major thing I can pinpoint is that I had a lot of ear infections when I was little…which means lots of antibiotics. And that is a BIG factor when talking about the health of your gut. Every time you take antibiotics it kills off the good stuff with the bad. I had ear infections every year, some pretty severe, until about 6th grade. And that was about when I started having days here and there when I could barely sit up in school because I had so much pain in my side. I now know that it was gas/GI pain. But back then I had no idea. I just knew I needed to lay down for a while to make it go away. In addition to yearly antibiotics I know diet had a big impact. We grew up eating plenty of processed foods…HFCS, white flour, white sugar, frozen/packaged food, etc. Which added to the deterioration of my gut health. The good was killed and replaced with bad. Late jr. high/early high school was when things really started to decline…when it took a toll on me mentally. This is when the eating disorder and very skewed self-perception kicked in. I thought I was fat. I did not like the way I looked. So I started to eat a lot less. And I stopped eating fat almost entirely. This was very detrimental to my physical and mental health. But I didn’t know it at the time. My fat intake was very low, which means severe lack of critical fat-soluble vitamins like A, D, E and K…leading to a very compromised immune system. My protein intake went down (not good for a growing teen), which means all kind of nutrient deficiencies. And of course then I craved carbs and sweets…so that became the bulk of my diet. Which leads to zero nutrients, hormonal imbalance, messed up insulin levels, and your body starts to store fat. So the vicious cycle continues. You try to eat less and less food and fat…your body stores more and more fat…you get sicker and sicker…your gut gets majorly damaged…your mental condition gets worse and worse. Here are the typical stages of an eating disorder (summarized from GAPS):

“1. multiple nutritional deficiencies…lowered immune system…illness…antibiotics…damage to the gut flora.
2. GAPS develops where the abnormal gut flora start producing toxins…these toxins get into the brain causing problems with mood, behavior, learning, concentration, memory and sensory perception…namely self perception.
3. Gut degeneration…it becomes porous and “leaky” and unable to fulfill its functions. The person cannot digest and absorb food properly, which leads to more nutritional deficiencies. The person suffers from digestive problems that get worse when they are coaxed to eat as their gut is in no fit state to handle food.
4. Hormonal exhaustion. Hormones rule metabolism, growth and repair. The lack of hormones leads to developmental issues (sexual development, fatigue, emotional problems, sleep problems, skin problems, etc.).
5. GAPS comes with a craving for carbohydrates, from swinging blood sugar levels. Patients binge on processed carbohydrates, feeding abnormal gut flora and perpetuating the whole problem further.”

That is like reading my life story from early high school to just a year or two ago. I hardly ate anything. I got sicker. I craved sweets (anyone who knows me knows about my obsession with massive amounts of ice cream)…and that’s mostly what I ate. I got sicker. My GI issues got worse. I tried certain diets (for IBS, etc.)…which were based on white, starchy foods. I got sicker. My GI issues got worse. I tried various medications. I got worse. My mental condition got worse. My whole body has been out of whack for a long time. And it has led to major GI issues, major mental issues and infertility.

It doesn’t end there. Many medications can cause further damage to the gut. One big one is birth control. I regret now ever taking it (for 5 years). I obviously didn’t need it 😛  And I’m sure it did a lot of damage. I have also been taking thyroid medication for quite a few years.

I’m kind of condensing a lot of stuff here. But the major factors for me were antibiotics (as a child and as an adult due to surgeries, etc.), diet and drugs (birth control, anti-depressants, GI meds, thyroid meds). Which led to a whole host of problems that all started in the gut. Even though I was told they were in my head.

I am very thankful that over the past year I have already made a lot of progress towards healing my body by cutting out a lot of the damaging food I was eating (processed, white, refined, etc.). And more recently really focusing on very nourishing and healing foods. But I know I still have a long road ahead of me. My gut has been so severely damaged…and it shows (inability to digest food properly, anxiety, ocd, infertility). So I need to really start from square one and heal it. Sounds easy…but I know it’s not.

This is where the GAPS diet comes in. There are different stages of the diet. To truly heal you have to start with the intro…which is mostly eating bone broth all day every day for a couple weeks. Then other foods are gradually added back in one at a time, ending with the full GAPS diet. This process of healing can take up to 2 years, which is likely for someone like me. Sounds a bit daunting. But is it worth it? Absolutely!!! For my own sake and the sake of my family.

Where does that leave me now? Well, I can’t start with the GAPS intro while I’m pregnant. When you start healing your gut and getting rid of all of the toxins there is a lot of die off. Your body gets the bad stuff out. Not good for a growing baby. It can even be harmful while breastfeeding. So my full healing process will obviously have to wait a while. However, I can start on the full GAPS diet right away. That has all of the nutrition you need. And it will be much easier on my body. Will it totally heal me? No, not completely. But will it really help me to live more pain free, be more stable, function more normally and be prepared for intro when I’m able? YES! So far I have only taken some steps towards the full GAPS diet (mainly eating grain free). And I can already see differences. For the past 3 days I have been reducing my OCD behavior/compulsions. It wasn’t a conscious choice. It just kind of happened. And my anxiety didn’t get out of control. It was pretty amazing. Did I feel great the rest of the day? No. I still had problems. But not really anything worse than usual. If that can happen after only small steps towards the full GAPS diet, I’m excited to see how much better I can feel on the full GAPS diet (and once my digestive organs aren’t being smushed by a big baby :P). With only a few weeks left before having this baby I don’t intend to even get to full GAPS by then. I will not be cutting out all dairy and sugar yet. I don’t want to make too many more changes right now. But after the baby is here and is a couple months old I’ll hopefully be ready to jump into full GAPS. Then someday down the road I’ll start from the beginning.

I’ve wanted this change for so long. I’m ready. For me to feel better. But I have another motivation…Rebecca. I want to be a good mother. But more than that I want her to be healthy too. So I will be gearing her diet more towards GAPS foods as well. Not as extreme as my diet. But definitely make sure she’s eating plenty of nourishing foods and not too much starchy/grain food. Sadly I know I passed some of my GI issues on to her. I want her to have healing from a very young age and hopefully prevent her from going down the road I did. And I want her sibling(s) to have a better start as well. I’m anxious to see in the coming weeks/months if I can tell a change in Rebecca’s GI patterns and behavior from a diet modification.

I mentioned that I have been seeing a psychologist for quite some time now. Well, I’m not sure I want to continue at the moment. The last time I was there I felt very uneasy. Like she was telling me the same things over and over and talking down to me a bit. I have the tools. I know the process. I am doing the stuff…but it doesn’t work!!! Until I get the physical healing started the mental will not change. And I’m guessing she won’t agree with me. I left my last appt. feeling like I didn’t want to go back for a long time (normally I feel great when I leave). Like she was going to want me to do things that would actually push me in the wrong direction. Trying too hard to work on the mental stuff if the gut is not healed will just backfire. I do have an appt. scheduled in a few weeks. And I’ll go. But beyond that I’m not sure. We’ll see where this leads and how I’m doing after the baby.

Another thing that stood out to me in the book was the mention of medications. Just because you are starting GAPS doesn’t mean you can stop all of your current medications. First you have to heal the gut…then wean off the stuff that you don’t need anymore. So as much as I would love to stop taking my thyroid med and miralax, I know they are necessary to function right now. As I get healthier I can then work on getting rid of the medication.

That’s a condensed version of my story. Now…what is the GAPS diet? You can read a lot of the details, the steps and what’s allowed/what isn’t on the GAPS website. Some of the main things to avoid are grains, starchy food, carbohydrates, sugar (in any form aside from fruit), dairy (at first…some is allowed on full GAPS), anything processed, bad oils/fats, anything containing gluten and caesin, anything artificial. You don’t just avoid bad stuff. You fill your body with good stuff…bone broth, eggs, meat, fish, veggies, fruit, nuts, seeds, lots of healthy fat (from meat, butter, ghee, coconut oil, olive oil), kefir and fermented food.

I am taking baby steps to get started. Right now I’m focusing on eating grain free and adding more bone broth to my diet. At some point I’ll work on cutting out sugar and most dairy.

This is both scary and exciting. But I truly believe it’s where I need to be. And I’m anxious to finish reading the book! God is guiding me through this long journey one step at a time…and in his perfect time.