After reading Change Your Brain Change Your Life I am wondering if Rebecca has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). It has often crossed my mind since we are constantly telling her to pay attention (she always seems like she is thinking about/preoccupied with something else and not paying attention to what’s going on) but I never really knew all of the signs/symptoms. And I knew she could sit and read for hours, so I figured she couldn’t have it. But after reading more about ADD I now wonder if she in fact does have it.
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I want to start by saying I am just a mom trying to figure out how to best relate to and raise my daughter. I am not a doctor. I can not diagnose her with anything. But I can gather information and try techniques to see if they improve her behavior. I am not trying to label her with any disorder. I just want to figure out how to give her what she needs. And since her behavior sounds a lot like ADD I am going to look into some ways to work with it and see how it goes. I know a lot of this behavior can be common for a 3 year old and will change with maturity. I know many kids are labeled with ADD that do not really have it. I know a lot of her behavior is a result of how Justin and I respond to her. Rebecca is very sweet and very bright. I am actually amazed daily by how smart she is for her age. My goal is to use some of the techniques suggested for ADD behavior to see if she responds to them. It is not to try to diagnose her with ADD. I also want this post to be helpful and informational for others that want to learn about ADD. I have discussed all of this with my pediatrician. He confirmed that it is something to take note of and keep an eye on and evaluate as Rebecca gets older. Hopefully as she matures she will be able to slow her thinking to be able to focus better.
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I also want to say that this is going to be a pretty lengthy post. But I decided to put everything in one post so that anyone else looking for information on ADD/struggling with similar issues has all of the information in one spot instead of having to look around or wait for future posts. This is also why it took a while to get it posted 🙂
So, what is ADD? It stems from a problem with the prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain controls attention span, perseverance, judgement, impulse control, organization, self-monitoring and supervision, problem solving, critical thinking, forward thinking, learning from experience, ability to feel and express emotions, interaction with the limbic system (this controls emotions/memories/appetite) and empathy.
I’ll go one by one through the symptoms of ADD and how I see that in Rebecca.
1. The harder you try the worse it gets.
“The more people with ADD try to concentrate, the worse things get for them. The activity of the pfc actually turns down, rather than turning up. When a parent…puts more pressure on a person with ADD to perform, he or she often becomes less effective…In parenting…someone with ADD, it is more effective to use praise and encouragement, rather than pressure. People with ADD do best in environments that are highly interesting or stimulating and relatively relaxed.”
I see this every day with Rebecca. One of the major areas this relates to is her eating issues. She can’t focus on eating (a mundane, non-stimulating task…instead she’s talking, singing, wanting to read, paying attention to everything else around her…anything but her plate/food), so we start to tell her to eat. This creates pressure and tension, which actually makes it harder for her to focus and do what she is supposed to. To us it appears that she is not listening/not obeying, so we get more frustrated and put more pressure on her. It just goes downhill from there. And she ends up stressed and not able to eat. This happens with any day-to-day task…going potty, getting dressed, eating, cleaning, etc. She can’t focus because it’s not stimulating. So we get frustrated and put more pressure on her/keep telling her to do whatever the task is. And in most cases it ends up with yelling or a meltdown/time out. I even see this when we do school work. The more times I tell her to try something or do something again the more she seems to struggle and lose focus and get frustrated/discouraged.
2. Short attention span
“People with ADD have trouble sustaining attention and effort over prolonged periods of time. Their attention tends to wander and they are frequently off task, thinking about or doing things other than the task at hand. Yet one of the things that often fools inexperienced clinicians…is that people with ADD do not have a short attention span for everything. Often, people with ADD can pay attention just fine to things that are new, novel, highly stimulating, interesting or frightening. These things provide enough intrinsic stimulation that they activate the pfc so the person can focus. A child with ADD might do very well in a one-on-one situation and completely fall apart in a classroom…People with ADD have long-standing problems paying attention to regular, routine, everyday matters…The mundane is terrible for them, and it is NOT a choice. They need excitement and interest to kick in their pfc function.”
Again this relates to our daily struggles with Rebecca to go potty, get dressed, eat, pick up toys, etc. We can tell her to do something 20 times, try to be patient, say it in a positive happy voice, etc. But she just can’t do it. She will tell you a story, sing a song, ask questions, focus on her little brother, notice anything else in the room, etc. But she won’t complete the task at hand. Again, this creates frustration for us…which leads to impatience…which leads to frustration for her. If we are in a social setting it is like pulling teeth to get her to focus on what we are saying. When it is time to leave Kindermusik and she has to put her shoes on, I can be in her face telling her to do it and she seems like she is off in la-la land watching all of the other kids. It’s like I don’t even exist. I have to physically turn her face so she is looking straight at me and can hear what I’m saying. This was the section I found particularly interesting and made me really wonder if Rebecca has ADD. Now I know she can focus on the things she likes and that stimulate her. But (not by choice) she really struggles with the daily tasks. Which is the source of most of our daily battles and frustrations. This is also why Rebecca can read for hours. She loves stories, hearing what will happen next. It is stimulating to her. Her favorite thing to play is some type of character/pretending. Especially if one of us will play with her. It’s actually hard to “play.” She repeatedly tells you to make the character say or do something. Or asks you what they are saying.
3. Distractability
“When the pfc is underactive it doesn’t adequately dampen the sensory parts of the brain, and too many stimuli bombard the brain as a result…while listening, in class…the person with ADD tends to notice other things going on and has trouble staying focused on the issue at hand. People with ADD tend to look around the room, drift off, appear bored, forget where the conversation is going, and interrupt with extraneous information.”
I see this daily with Rebecca. Sometimes it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall or that I don’t exist. I can talk to her, but it’s like she does not hear me and is always thinking about something else. When I really want her to pay attention I tell her to look me in the eyes. But even that she has trouble with. She can look at me for a few seconds and then starts to look at something else. I have to keep refocusing her. One thing I have noticed is that her behavior got worse after Abram was born. I figured that’s common. No big deal. But now I wonder if Abram is enough of a distraction for her that it makes focusing that much harder. When it’s time to get dressed she’s more interested in what he’s doing. Since he is always with us, is unpredictable and always doing something new he provides her with stimulation…and something more fun to think about than daily tasks. It was definitely easier to get her to focus when it was always one-on-one (Mommy/Rebecca). Rebecca also always seems like she is thinking about something. There is always a story or idea in her head that she needs to get out. If you tell her to do something (like pick up toys) her immediate response is “but first…” There is always something on her mind, something that she needs to do that is distracting her before she can focus on what she should be doing.
4. Impulsivity
“ADD people may say inappropriate things to parents, friends, teachers, etc. Poorly thought out decisions also relate to impulsivity. Rather than thinking a problem through, many ADD people want an immediate solution and act without necessary forethought. They say the first thing that comes to mind.“
This characteristic is not quite as obvious in Rebecca since she is 3…and does not have good discernment yet about what she says. But she does often speak without thinking about the reality of the situation. If she wants something and I tell her no, her immediate response is to think that something is permanent or hopeless…”I’ll never get it” or “Now it’s gone forever.” She is also not self aware at all.
5. Conflict seeking
“Many people with ADD unconsciously seek conflict as a way to stimulate their own pfc. They do not know they do it. They do not plan to do it. They deny they do it. And yet they do it just the same. Hyperactivity, restlessness, and humming are common forms of self-stimulation. [As is] causing turmoil. The parents of children with ADD commonly report that the kids are experts at upsetting them. When parents stop providing the negative stimulation (yelling, lecturing, etc.) these children decrease the negative behaviors. Another common self-stimulating behavior is worrying or focusing problems. A significant problem with using anger, emotional turmoil and negative emotion for self-stimulation is damage to the immune system. The high levels of adrenaline produced by conflict-driven behavior decrease the immune system’s effectiveness and increase vulnerability to illness. Many folks with ADD tend to be in constant turmoil with one or more people. They seem to unconsciously choose people who are vulnerable and pick battles with them. Many children and adults with ADD have a tendency to embarrass others for little or no good reason.”
Although it’s probably not a conscious choice, Rebecca definitely knows how to get a reaction out of us. Lately her favorite thing is to say “No!” when we ask her to do something. She knows what behavior will put her in timeout. When she’s in timeout she knows that it makes us made if she kicks the walls…so that’s usually the first thing she does (until she realizes we’re ignoring it). And she LOVES to get Abram riled. She goes crazy when he starts laughing, etc. at the things she does. Unfortunately when she gets stimulated and silly then she gets naughty and starts hurting people (hitting, pushing, pulling hair, etc.).
6. Disorganization.
“ADD includes disorganization of space…as well as time. People with ADD tend to have many piles of ‘stuff.’ They are chronically late or put things off until the last minute. They also tend to lose track of time.”
Rebecca is not organized at all. Considering that she has two very Type A parents this is kind of surprising. She hates putting things away and leaves things on the floor/where she was playing with them when she got distracted and moved on to something else. She will pile things up anywhere. She also has no sense of being on time. She does not like to be rushed at all. Getting out the door on time with her is a big challenge.
7. Start many projects but finish few
“The energy and enthusiasm of people with ADD often push them to start many projects. Unfortunately, their distractability and short attention span impair their ability to complete them.”
If you saw my house by the end of the day you’d know that Rebecca gets out a LOT of toys. Sometimes I feel like I can barely walk through the house by mid day. Every room has toys and books scattered all over the floor. Rebecca often gets something out to play with it. But 5 mintues later she is distracted by something and just leaves it there. Then she sees another toy she wants to play with and so on. I have been bothered for some time now by how many toys we have in the living room. I like to have things available for the kids and to let them have free play. But I’m wondering now if it is too stimulating for Rebecca (I know it’s anxiety inducing for me…too much chaos!). This may be my final motivation to really pare down how many toys we have out at one time. Maybe if there were only a few things out each day to choose from she could focus better. That being said, if I have time to sit down one-on-one with her and play she could play the same thing for an hour. I can keep her focus. But if she’s on her own she goes from one thing to the next. And she just leaves things where they are…she never cleans something up or moves it out of the way before moving on.
8. Moodiness and negative thinking
“Many people with ADD tend to be moody, irritable and negative. An underactive pfc leads to mood control issues. Many people with ADD worry or become overfocused on negative thoughts as a form of self-stimulation. If they cannot seek turmoil from others, they seek it within themselves.”
Rebecca…moody? Never 😛 She definitely worries if anything goes wrong (I’m sure she inherited this from me…I’m working on helping her with it). Something as simple as her cup falling on the floor can cause her to start making noises/panicking. She also has a fatalistic attitude. If a toy gets taken away then she’ll “never get it back.”
Those are the symptoms of ADD. I’m sure all 3 year olds have some degree of them. But Rebecca seems to have all of them. And some of them pretty severe. Just yesterday we were at the dentist. I was continually calling Rebecca’s name to come take off her coat (she was playing with the toys in the waiting room…new stimulation.). It was like she didn’t hear me even though I was two steps away. Then 3 little girls came out and headed to the toys. It was like Rebecca was instantly in another world. I was right next to her telling her to pick up her hat and stuffed monkey. I could have been blowing a fog horn and she wouldn’t have batted an eye. She looked like she was in a trance just enthralled with them. I had to physically pull her away and get her attention. The other girls didn’t pay any attention to Rebecca. They were oblivious to her. But Rebecca could not turn away from them. She stood there like a zombie. As I said before I can’t say for sure she has ADD. But based on her behavior it really seems like it.
So, now that you know what ADD is what can you do about it?
The idea is to learn total focus. Here are some techniques to accomplish leading a focused life and healing the pfc.
1. Develop clear goals.
Set goals for every area of your life (relationships, work, money, self) and write them down. Then review them every day. This is somewhat tough with a small child. But it can still be done. A while back we came up with our “house rules.” We used to read them daily…then we got out of the habit. I am trying to do it again. This helps Rebecca stay focused on proper behavior and what is acceptable. In addition I would like to write out other goals with her about how she wants to relate to us, how she wants to learn, etc. Very basic goals, but still something to help her focus.
2. Focus on what you like instead of what you don’t like.
“Focusing on what you like about your life and on what you like about others is a powerful way to keep your pfc healthy.” This is something that parents really need to help with. A child with ADD needs lots of praise and encouragement. I need to focus on all of the little things Rebecca does daily that are good instead of just noticing the things she does wrong. I have already started doing this. I try really hard to tell her every time she is eating nicely. So far I think it’s helping quite a bit. We actually haven’t had many food battles over the last few days. It’s nice.
3. Have meaning, purpose, stimulation and excitement in your life.
All of these things will help stimulate the pfc in a positive way. This was what brought about my experiments last week with doing lots of new, fun things every day. I had a mixed response. There were some things that Rebecca really loved and helped her to focus. But other things seemed to make it worse. I think the trick is finding balance (I think maybe we had too much good stimulation some days…we do need some down/normal time as well) and finding what particular things Rebecca enjoys/that excite her. Just because I think something is fun doesn’t mean she will…in which case she won’t be able to focus on it. Rebecca can easily be overstimulated, like when people visit. She gets so excited that she can’t control herself. So we need to figure out a good balance for her.
4. Get organized.
This is another thing that parents really need to help with. I need to get Rebecca’s toys, school supplies, etc. much better organized. Since things are so scattered she can’t focus. Another thing is to break down large tasks into smaller ones. Rebecca is easily overwhelmed by cleaning up her whole bedroom when there is a mess. But if I can get her to focus on picking up one particular item at a time then she does a lot better.
5. Don’t be your child’s stimulant.
This is one for the parents. People with ADD seek conflict…which usually means conflict with parents. So we have to be in control and not be our child’s negative stimulant. The main way to do this…stop yelling. I am a soft spoken person. I don’t like to raise my voice. But inevitably after the 15th time of trying to get Rebecca to do something it goes up…and sometimes leads to yelling. It’s not healthy for either of us. But the frustration takes over. The solution is the exact opposite. If you maintain a low voice and calm demeanor the child can’t use you as a stimulant. If a child raises her voice, you should continually lower yours. It may take time, but she will learn that you are not a stimulant…and the behavior will stop. Sometimes it’s tough to stay calm. In some cases you have to step away from the situation. And other times humor can help. I am finding all of these to be very helpful. If I give Rebecca about 5 chances to do what I ask but there is still no progress I walk away for a few minutes. Often when I come back I find her doing what I asked.
6. Listen to Mozart.
This is kind of interesting theory. There have been studies done that show that children that listen to Mozart can have better focus and mood control, diminished impulsivity and improved social skill. I think any rhythmic, relaxing music will have similar results. I guess going to Kindermusik may be more helpful for Rebecca than we thought.
7. Nutrition.
This is a big one for me since I’m passionate about health. This particular book suggests a high protein, low carb diet that is relatively low in fat. This includes meat, eggs, cheese, nuts and legumes mixed with a healthy portion of vegetables. Also, eliminating simple sugars and simple carbs can have a positive impact on energy level and cognition. The idea behind this is to raise dopamine levels in the brain. I can’t subscribe to this 100%. I don’t believe a low fat diet is good for anyone, especially children. But I do think that getting a better balance of protein and carbs is critical. As is cutting out sugar and simple carbs. My goal for Rebecca is to continue to feed her plenty of healthy fat daily (butter, cod liver oil, EVOO, coconut oil, etc.) and make sure she gets plenty of protein. With children it’s so easy to give high carbohydrate snacks and make that a big portion of their meals. I’m really trying to make sure Rebecca eats plenty of protein and veggies with a moderate amount of complex carbohydrates. And of course cut out the sugar!
So this is where we are at right now. We are learning the symptoms and the tools to deal with them. We are learning how to feed her well. And we’re taking it one day at a time. But there is another factor that comes into play. Rebecca’s intellect. She is very smart. Sometimes I wonder if that is part of her stumbling block. She is always taking everything in (she has done this ever since she was born). She wants to learn, learn, learn. So is it ADD or is she just too smart for her own good? 😛 Only time will tell I guess. I am anxious to see how she does in preschool next year. I think that will give a better picture. If she can’t focus in school/in a social setting then we may have to look more into ADD. But if she really excels then maybe she just wants to learn a lot and needs time to mature. We are looking forward to watching her grow and develop. And we as parents will do our best to give her an environment in which she can thrive, focus and grow.
How about you? Do you struggle with similar issues with your child? Do you have experience with ADD? Do you have any tools that have worked. I’d love to hear about it!
This post is linked to Fat Tuesday at Real Food Forager.
