A little over 2 years ago I had some bloodwork done and it showed that I had hypothyroidism. I was put on medication to correct the problem. At that time I was taking 125 mcg a day. While I was pregnant with Rebecca things imroved slightly (pregnancy can affect your thyroid) and it was lowered to 112 mcg. I had been at that dose for a long time…until about the beginning of July this year. I had my anual check up and more bloodwork. My level was running high, so they lowered my dose to 100 mcg. I was retested in August. It was still high. So they lowered my dose to 75 mcg. Last week I had my level checked again. And it is still high! So now I’m down to 50 mcg. I get retested again in December. I firmly believe that changing my diet, eating habits and overall lifestyle have made the difference. When you take care of your body it works the way it’s supposed to. No wonder I was so thin for a while…taking such a high dose of medication when I didn’t need to made me hyperthyroid instead of hypothyroid. If this trend continues I may be able to stop taking medicaiton all together. Like I’ve said before, I feel healthier now than I have my entire life. And I want to keep my whole family strong and healthy. So I will continue to work hard to provide healthy, homemade food and promote a healthy overall lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle does work!

I’ve only ever tried making one non-meat burger. And Justin didn’t care for it too much (I really liked it :). Last night I tried another, very different from the walnut burgers I made in the past. I got this recipe from A Good Appetite. So simple to make. And quite good. Justin definitely liked this burger better. It had good flavor (I modified the original recipe a bit, so I’m not sure how the original tastes). The texture was a little on the soft side. Maybe next time I’ll try to cut back on the moisture. And if I shape them differently, maybe a litttle thinner, it should help. I cooked them longer than the the recipes says so that they at least got a decent crust on the outside. Otherwise they would have been totally mush. I used a grill pan. Maybe just a regular griddle would have been better for this type of burger. Definitely a keeper recipe. I’ll have to keep experimenting with it. But a great alternative to meat burgers. And a very easy, healthy dinner. And clean up is pretty simple too. You can mix it all in one bowl 🙂 I served them with the usual burger toppings and sliced avocado. I’ll add my mods in ().

Today we had our 2nd MOPS meeting of the year. It was great! Our focus is on building relationships. Which happens to be so fitting for me (funny how God does that, huh?:). Over the last few years I have been through a lot of ups and downs (see the sidebar for some details). Unfortunately the things I was dealing with forced me to isolate myself and focus on myself. As someone that has been a life-long people pleaser it was not pleasant at all…to put myself first. Initially I couldn’t even handle asking my husband for help on a simple task. That would be a burden to him. I had a hard time changing my mindset. But I had to. It was the only way to heal and grow and get better. And now that I’ve been working on overcoming the OCD for a while I feel like I’m ready to let people into my life again. I haven’t had a close friend in many years. I haven’t even been close with my family in a long time. And I want that to change. I have been a perfectionist all my life. But I’m learning to drop my guard and let people see that I am FAR from perfect. This blog has been a big help in putting myself out there…telling my story and sharing a lot of personal stuff. But now I need to take it a step farther. I need to share myself in person, not just in writing. I have always had a hard time admiting mistakes and seeing my own faults (although somehow it seems easy to notice other people’s faults…). But I’m getting better at it each day. As I try to teach Rebecca that it’s ok to make mistakes I’m also teaching myself. I can laugh at myself a lot more easily. And I’m not as concerned about what others think of me. I still have a ways to go, but I’m getting there. Our speaker at MOPS today was Amy Kuncaitis, author of “Joy in the Morning.” She talked about building relationships…with your spouse, your family, your friends and your community. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have some relationships that need mending. And I also have relationships that are just budding. And I want them all to grow strong. We met our small groups today that we’ll be a part of for the rest of the year. I’m excited God has provided me with an opportunity to build new friendships and just be me. It has taken a long time, it’s been a long, hard journey. But slowly my focus is shifting from inward to outward. I need to let others in. I need to be accepting and forgiving of others. I need to be accepted and forgiven. I need to be who God made me. And know that that is perfect. We face challenge after challenge in this life. And I’d rather have people to support me in my struggles instead of being on my own. I’ll close with a part of what I read today in “The Pilgrim’s Progress” where Christian is continuing on his journey on the narrow path towards eternal life, through the Valley of Humiliation. I want friends to accompany me into the valleys too 🙂

“Then he began to go forward; but Discretion, Piety, Charity and Prudence, would accompany him down to the foot of the hill…Then said Christian, As it was difficult coming up, so (so far as I can see) it is dangerous going down. Yes, said Prudence, so it is, for it is a hard manner for a man to go down into the Valley of Humiliation, as though art now, and to catch no slip by the way; therefore, said they, are we come out to accompany thee down the Hill. So he began to go down, but very warily; yet he caught a slip or two.”

We were supposed to visit my family today…but we all came down with colds. So we’re staying home. I had already made a cake to celebrate our Sept/Oct birthdays. So Justin and I had some last night. Mmmm 🙂 I’ll have to keep working on my marble swirling :p This was my first attempt at making/using marzipan. I think the pears turned out pretty well. This was also my first time cutting the cakes in half so that the cake is 4 layers instead of 2. That worked well. The filling is chocolate, cream cheese, chocolate. The outside is vanilla. The trees/branches are chocolate. The leaves are icing. Now I just need to figure out how to take better pictures.

Last night I tried a new Food Network recipe. It’s from the new show $10 Dinners. I want us to eat fish more often, and this sounded like an easy way to do it. And a way to get Justin to eat salmon! I’ve never had canned salmon before, but it was pretty good. And the salmon cakes were very good. We both liked them. Rebecca wasn’t too sure, but I bet she’ll like them more if she tries them a few times. Plus she had one of her favorites (cauliflower) on her plate…so the salmon couldn’t compete 🙂 They were very easy to make. You just have to plan ahead so that you leave time to bake a potato before you make them. I didn’t add the bacon. We’ve had bacon in the quiche we ate a couple times last week, so I wasn’t really in the mood for more. And I just didn’t have time to cook it since I didn’t have much time to make dinner after getting home from the park yesterday. I bet it would be good, though. I only made a half recipe.Salmon Cakes

I thought I had posted the pearsauce canning recipe last year, but I guess I didn’t. I just kind of mentioned it. I made pearsauce yesterday and today. I still have to can it (probably tomorrow), but figured I’d post the recipe now. I got a half bushel of Bartlett pears last week and figured out that there are about 80 pears in a half bushel.
Pearsauce

40 small – medium pears, peeled, cored and sliced
2 cups water

Cook pears in water in large pot until soft. Mash with potato masher for chunky pearsauce. Run through foodmill or blend in a blender for smooth pearsauce. Can in boiling water bath 20 min. for pints, 25 min. for quarts.

*I did a batch with 60 pears and 3 cups of water. I got 2 quarts and 5 pints out of it.

*If you want a real treat add a little strawberry puree to the pearsauce. We had some left from the strawberry cake I made so I did that. Wow, is that good! I just stirred a little into the sauce I was serving for dinner last night to try it out. I haven’t added it to a larger quantity.

For once I feel like I’m in control and not my anxiety/OCD/irrational fears. I can think logically, clearly. It’s amazing how much my mentality has changed over the last few months. I look back at how I used to live and wonder how I did it. How I could be so concerned about what other people thought of me. How I could try to meet some unrealistic standard of perfection. I also wonder why it took so long to get to this point. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I’ve climbed out of the valley/out of the shadows. And I can see the view, see the world around me. Every day it seems like I notice little changes. Things don’t seem so overwhelming like they used to. We had dinner guests both Monday and Tuesday (2 nights in a row!). It was a lot of work to do all the baking, cooking and cleaning. But it was also a lot of fun! And no tension, no headaches. I actually felt quite energized! And although it’s nice to have some downtime at home today (and to not have to cook…we’ve got lots of leftovers :), I’m already thinking about what else we can do this week/where we can go/who we could visit. I used to do one thing and need lots of time to “recover.” But not anymore. We went to a wedding reception on Saturday. I ate whatever I wanted. I talked to lots of family and friends. I truly enjoyed myself and didn’t even give a thought to how I was feeling. What a treat! And the next day I did fine. I didn’t need a few days to get my body back on track.

One main area that I’ve gained control is with food. Food used to have such control over me. Not anymore. I used to have very skewed ideas about how much and what I ate. I feared being fat and being too thin at the same time. So it was always a constant battle of eating too much or not enough. I had major issues with portion control. Even just a few months ago it was really bad. But I’ve noticed a big change latley. And especially this week. Monday we celebrated my SIL’s birthday. I made a cake. And for snack before bed I had some cake with ice cream. I had a normal size piece of cake and a couple little scoops of ice cream. A good amount to get a taste of a nice treat. And enough to fill me up. But not stuff myself. Just a few months ago when I made a cake for my BIL’s birthday (in March) I cut myself a huge piece and topped it with a mound of ice cream…I had to use a big bowl to fit it all. And then I actually had seconds on the ice cream…and finished the container! I felt so sick afterwards, and it makes me sick just thinking about it now. I’m learning to listen to my body. Eat when I’m hungry, don’t when I’m not. What a concept 😛 So simple and yet so profound.

I know ultimately God is in control. And I am SO thankful for that. But I am also in control now. Not my distorted thinking. I don’t want to live a life in fear. That is a life of sin. I want to live a life of faith and hope. I’m getting there.

I did it. I finally tried out my pressure canner. And I finally canned peaches! Boy that is a lot of work. I had intended to can a full half bushel. But ended up freezing half of it. I just didn’t have the time or bowl/pot capacity for canning that many peaches. And I had to use them up yesterday. They were getting pretty ripe…probably riper than they should have been, but Thurs. was just too busy to deal with them. Anyway, I’m glad I tried it. Now we have 3 qts. and 6 pts. of peaches in the pantry. That’ll do for this year. I think I might hold off on peaches again until we don’t have young children. It’s a long process, and I don’t have several hours at a time that I can devote to canning. I am also glad I got to try my pressure canner and figure it out. It’s kind of a pain to use on our stove. Our microwave is above our stove…and the canner BARELY fits. You have to have it partly off the burner to get the lid on and off. Anyway, I’m glad I have it so I can can more foods and for canning more jars at once. But I’ll still use my boiling water canner too. For the peaches I used a very light syrup…not much sugar at all. Hopefully they taste good 🙂

I found a fun recipe on Heavenly Homemakers the other day for corn dog muffins. I just used the idea of the muffins and used my own cornbread recipe. It’s basically the exact same thing I use for corn dogs, but in muffin form. I used turkey sausages w/ cheese this time since that’s all I had on hand. I cut them into bite size pieces and put them in the batter. I used 2 sausages and got 9 muffins out of them. I made a small loaf of corn bread with the leftover batter. I made these for Justin. He really liked them! He said he thinks they are better than my actual corn dog attempts. Easier to eat and better meat to bread ratio. This will definitely be something I make again. I’m sure it will be a big hit with kids someday 🙂 And they will be handy because I can make a big batch and freeze them. Now I just need to find a decent hot dog.